To the roots

Daniel was just recently out of town for 10 days. 10 very l..o...n...g days, might I add.
He went to Michigan for a residency program required by his seminary (Spring Arbor University) and did some intense training for his masters in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care.

When I tell people around here what Daniel is studying, usually there's a nod and a "hmmmm", before I ask "Have you heard of it or know what it is?" to which the reply is almost always "Nope. Never heard of that. What on earth is it?" To which I then reply...

Spiritual Formation is kind of like Human Growth and Development, except from a spiritual standpoint. It takes a deep look at our lives--the way we grow up, the influences in our lives both good and bad (parents, teachers, friends, etc...) the things that happen to us along the way that then shape the way we view God and relate to Him, other people near and far, and ourselves.

Example: A person, say, whose parents were divorced and the father was completely absent in their childhood might transfer the absence of an earthly father onto the type of Heavenly Father God is, causing them to view Him as absent, unreachable, distant, and causing them to possibly be afraid to get too close to other people for fear that those people, like the father, will abandon them.

Make sense? Good.

So the things we experience growing up in this wonderful/awful life shape who we become as adults, the truths or untruths we believe about ourselves and God--and these things we end up believing about ourselves and God are so deeply rooted in our past experiences that we can't even decipher that a lot of our beliefs we've clung to for so long are, well....jacked up.

Take me for example--somewhere in my life journey I began to believe that I should not cling to good things or hope for good things in this life because I am not worthy to have anything good, or for my dreams to come true--everything is too good for me...it led to a lot of devastation, not wanting to get too close to people, and plain ole self-condemnation...until I sought the Lord on this particular issue and He revealed to me that the belief I'd been clinging to about not being worthy of good things is rooted in my mom's death. She was an amazingly wonderful, good thing in my life, and she was taken away from me. Subconsciously I believed I must have done something wrong to have her taken away from me, so I was not worthy to enjoy something good--and if something looked too good, it must not be for me. I cannot have good things.

See? What a cycle. The even crazier thing is that while I'm believing this terrible lie, I am in the midst of experiencing amazing things--meeting my husband, being offered a super cool job, being blessed with an amazing family and friends...but still I feel not worthy and am terrified that somehow I will mess up and everyone will leave me.

It is only in digging up the roots of our issues that we will be able to plant in their place something beautiful and alive.

Now I am so interested in not only digging to the root of my own issues, but helping others pick out the right shovel to dig out theirs as well. It's not something someone can do for you, but it is something you can be guided to and through.

Oh, and it's not fun. It kinda hurts. Actually, it hurts a lot. But then when your flowers start to bloom and you see a new you emerging, you will look up and smile.